Ladies hi y’all feel??? Fellas y’all alright??? These are words belted out by one of my favorite artist, Ms. Erykah Badu, right before she tells her man how she feelin’ bout him and his mess.
The death of my cousin, two month ago, has really rocked my world. Mmkay. I mean she was the epitome of everything a girl could want in life. She was self-made, beautiful, fashionista, bomb rides always…She was my pattern. The blueprint. The day she died, I’d written down the top qualities that I want to possess. Taking a look back at the list, days after she was killed…she was everything I had on the list. Finding out that everything wasn’t so good for her sent me into shambles. How could my sweet, big cousin be killed by the man we saw love on her. It’s still difficult to wrap my mind around it all. But…here we are.
I look at my own life. Desiring love but yet afraid. Bobby Womack once said in a song, “everybody wants love but everybody’s afraid of love”. I mean…he ain’t lie. I’ve never felt so positive but yet so nervous about having a love life. Hearing my dad say, “her husband shot her” will never leave my mind or my eargate. It left me wondering, will my attitude cause something like this. Will me having a bad round of PMS make my man do this. It definitely left me with the mindset of I don’t even wanna argue. But here’s the truth…I’m an attidudy woman!!! Not like mad black woman but I know that I have quirky responses. I’ve never not minded checkin’ a nigga about his mess. But now…it’s like oh peace be unto you good sir cuz me checkin’ you ain’t finna get me killed. You knoooooow!!!! It’s just so many thoughts!!! So yeah….this is where my mind is right now. Do I still desire love? Absolutely. I just wanna make sure I’m doing it right. Healthy. Yeah….healthy love.
Here’s a lil music for you to enjoy by the one and only Bobby Womack!!!